I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
