you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
