I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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