There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
