Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
