Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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