Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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