i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
