And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
