My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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