If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize