Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
