You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
