(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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