Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
