I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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