how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
