it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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