My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
