Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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