Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She bit a glass in half.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
