she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
