I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
