she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
