It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
