if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
