Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
