you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
