did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
