Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
