I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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