i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
