im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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