This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
