I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
