youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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