its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
