Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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