is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this boner is exhausting
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
