I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize