dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
