obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
