I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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