My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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