i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
