So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You made out with two different species that night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
