My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
