I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
