Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Is it because I queefed?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
