In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
