Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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