i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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