I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize