He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
