Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
