i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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