I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
