her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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