When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize