my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
