I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
