Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
