trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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