Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you guys were way drunker than both of me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
