For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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