my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
