she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
